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A smile by any other name

By Laraine Rose

WHEN genuine it melts away the ice of suspicion. It removes layers of prejudice accumulated through the years. It softens hearts frozen by disbelief and mistrust. It brings relief and joy to many. It says, “I understand. Don’t worry.” It makes the appeal, “I hope we can be friends.” And what is this powerful tool? It is a smile. It can be YOUR smile.

What is a smile? A smile is generally defined in dictionaries as ‘a facial expression in which the corners of the mouth curve slightly upward, expressing amusement, approval, or joy.’ Herein lies the secret of the warm smile. A smile is a nonverbal way of expressing one’s feelings or communicating one’s emotions to others. Of course, a smile might also express scorn or disdain, but that is another subject.

Does smiling really make a difference?

Do you remember when someone’s smile brought you a sense of relief or made you feel relaxed? Or when the absence of a smile made you feel nervous or even rejected? Yes, a smile does make a difference. It affects both the one who is smiling and the one smiled at.

The positive effect of a warm smile may help relieve built-up tensions. It may prove to be like a safety valve on a pressure cooker. When we feel tense or frustrated, a smile can help us to alleviate that tension and cope with our frustration. For instance, a young girl I know often observed others looking at her. She assumed that they were critical of her, as they quickly averted their eyes when they saw that she noticed them. She felt lonely and unhappy. One day I suggested that she smile at people when she caught their eye. She tried it for two weeks and was amazed that everyone smiled back at her! Tensions were gone. “Life has become really enjoyable,” she says. Yes, a smile makes us feel more at ease with others and helps us become more friendly.

The Good Effect on You and Others

Smiling can affect a person emotionally. It helps put one in a right frame of mind. It is good for physical health too. There is a saying, “Laughter is good medicine.” In fact, medical authorities note that one’s frame of mind has much to do with one’s physical condition. Many studies indicate that prolonged stress, negative emotions, and the like weaken our immune system. On the other hand, smiling makes us feel good, and laughter even fortifies our immune system. In his book 'Laughter and Health', Dr. James J. Walsh explained that the up-and-down movement of the diaphragm in laughter affects internal organs in a manner similar to exercise. Laughter has a good effect on the heart, liver and intestines. It aids digestion and the elimination of wastes.

A smile has a great effect on others. Imagine a situation where you are receiving counsel or being admonished. What facial expression would you like to see on the counselor’s face? A cold or stern expression may convey anger, irritation, rejection, or even hostility. On the other hand, would not a warm smile on the counselor’s face perhaps make you feel more at ease and more receptive to the counsel? Certainly, a smile helps to reduce misunderstandings in tense situations.

Positive Thoughts Make Smiling Easier

Of course, most of us are not like professional actors who can radiate a flashing smile at any given moment; nor do we desire to be such. We want our smiles to be natural and genuine. A communication school instructor of mine commented: "It is important to relax and give a heartfelt smile, or else your smile may look artificial." How can we sincerely smile from the heart? Here the Bible can help us. Regarding our speech it tells us at Matthew 12:34, 35: 'Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man out of his good treasure sends out good things, whereas the wicked man out of his wicked treasure sends out wicked things.'

Remember, a smile is a nonverbal way of communicating our feelings. Bearing in mind that we speak 'out of the abundance of the heart' and that 'good things' come out of a 'good treasure,' it becomes evident that the key to a genuine smile lies in our thoughts and emotions. Yes, what is in our hearts will no doubt be expressed, sooner or later, not only by our words and deeds but also by our facial expressions and so, we need to continue to work on dwelling on positive thoughts. Our facial expression is strongly affected by our thoughts about others. So let us concentrate on the finer qualities of family members, people in our neighborhood, and our good friends. We will find it much easier to smile at them. It will be a genuine smile, for behind it will be a heart filled with goodness, mercy, and kindness. Our eyes will be bright, and others will know that we really mean it.

Recognize though, that because of their background or environment, some people find it more difficult to smile than others. Even if they are filled with goodwill for their neighbors, they are just not accustomed to smiling at them. For instance, Japanese men are traditionally expected to keep perfect composure and to maintain silence at all times. Therefore, many of them are not accustomed to smiling at those who are considered strangers. The same may be true of other cultures. Or some individuals may be shy by nature and may not find it easy to smile at others. Hence, we should not judge others by how big their smile is or how often they smile. People are different, and so are their characteristics and ways of communicating with others.

Nevertheless, if you find it challenging to smile at others, why not work at it? Take the initiative in greeting others and giving a word of encouragement with a smile. It will be greatly appreciated. Also, you will discover that smiling becomes much easier as you develop the habit.

So smile, it's good for everyone!

Contributor's Note

A Word of Caution
It is a sad fact that not every smile we see is genuine. So while not being overly suspicious of others, we need to appreciate that Con men, swindlers,unscrupulous salespeople, and others may flash million-dollar smiles. They know that a smile can disarm people and put them off guard. People with dubious morals or unclean motives may also put on an enticing smile. Yet, their smiles are empty; they are deceptive.

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There is one aspect of a smile that you missed but which is very revealing. A genuine smile cannot be suppressed because it is spontaneous.

So very true! My parents, with 6 children, tried many times to suppress their amusement when we were 'trying them on for size.' I had one brother, a little older than me, who was especially talented at getting out of a spanking by making mum laugh. I always let him get his spanking before I had mine. Often he had mum laughing and my turn never came. lala

The integrity of the smiler, may be reflected by micro-expressions. It's all about what the body-language reveals. Is the smile a genuine natural response, or a deceitful thinly-veiled cover?

I believe what you say is generally true. As I'm sure you will agree, with children it may be a different matter though.

As you walk down the street and smile at a passer-by, or be the one who smiles first. Whatever you feel a warm glow inside, and have a good day afterwards.

This seems to be true. I find that even if I wake up out-of-sorts I smile at myself in the mirror and START LAUGHING.

health Feb 13, 2011 09:31

appreciated

There's a lot of truth in the saying "Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry and you cry alone."

Yes, "sayings" usually have a way of expressing the truth.
Thank you for commenting.

Excellent intel, Laraine! Best I've read in a long time. I had actually wavered between responding with "loved this intel" and "applauded this intel" but my computer had a mind of its own and registered "appreciated"! 5+ stars!

"Appreciated" is good. Thank you and your computer.

I used to be called the smiling lady when I worked for the VA. The men living in the hospital said I was a refreshing light when I came in their room. Smiles do make a difference, but I agree with your caution comment.

I'm a smiler also and believe it's like that proverbial "spoon full of sugar that helps the medicine go down."

I'm sure in a place like the VA your smiles were appreciated.

Thank you for sharing this 5***** well written intel, Laraine.
There are so many bad and sad situations in the world today, that smiling when we can is a privilage we should take.
Sometimes, when you meet someone that you don't enjoy, you may need to visualize that person with a large bunch of grapes on their head. This will usually make you SMILE!
Best wishes.
Frederic

"A large bunch of grapes," huh? I'll have to try your suggestion.

Your intel bought a smile to my lips. Thanks for sharing.
Reminds me of one my fave songs. The rather obscure "Just a smile" by Willpower" back in the 80s. Its a real song.
From the album. "Dancing for Mental Health"

I don't recall that song. I'd like to hear it.

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